Holly and I watched Serendipity on Sunday night. Cute movie, but it drove me nuts. Not because it's a "chick flick", but because the two protagonists were always so close to finding each other, and yet, so far away. Throughout the movie, after their chance meeting, fate seems to be pointing them back to each other, in spite of the fact that both of them are in committed relationships.
Why do I bring this up. After the movie, Holly and I ran to the grocery store to get something to fix for dinner. I shared with Holly what bothered me the most about that movie: the second guessing of one's decisions. I tend to second guess myself alot...I come across as confident sure of myself, but internally I wonder about my choices...I'll share with you the example I gave Holly.
Since most of the folks who read this are close friends, I can spare some history. When I was dating Sherri, I felt amazing. I was in love with a beautiful woman who loved God and who loved me. We prayed together, studied God's Word together..it was fantastic. So what happened? After all, I wanted to marry her...at some point, after about a year, we both realized our lives were headed in seperate directions: she to the mission field, and I...I didn't want to leave Milwaukee because I felt like I was called to work here. I started to withdraw from Sherri, and we talked about what was ahead for us and agreed to break off the serious part of our relationship and just be friends...easier said than done, but we managed. After we broke up, I spent the next several months (yes, months) wondering what in the hell I had done...had I just blown my best shot at marriage? Was I doomed to be single forever? Keep in mind I was only 26 at the time...I thought the world was going to end. Have I ever mentioned that I struggle with jealousy? When Sherri came to and Easter service at church with someone else I was so filled with jealousy. I had a hard time being in the same room when both of them were together. When Brian and Sherri's engagement was announced at church, I just put my head down and clapped politely. the two friends on my right caught my eye and smile weakly...Tori came up to me after the service and offered her sympathy. I didn't go to the wedding...Sherri asked, thru a mutual friend, if I wanted an invite, and I politely declined. Brian and Sherri had a few more months of training in Waukesha before heading to Oregon for a year. Can I admit that I was relieved that they were going to the mission field? That I wouldn't have to see them on a regular basis, as if to remind me of what I had NOT chosen...
Holly listened to me as we drove down to the Sentry in Tosa village and as we walked thru the store getting our items. At some point, in the bread aisle, I took her by the arm, looked into her eyes and said "I made the right decision with you" She smiled.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
pushing on...even when I don't want to
this week has been long...10 hour days at work and not much time otherwise...I've been getting to bed later and later...last night was just after 6am...tonight will be more of the same I'm sure.
Why? I'm at church, it's 4:30am and I just finished pulling the network cable to tie the Mac into the network for Ben. (BTW Ben, you really ought to log out when you leave for the night...mmmmkay? PWND!!)
Why am I pullling network cable this late? I got done working at 2 and I had promised Ben that I would tie him in a couple days ago. Tonight I pushed thru, even though I had to take an unconventional route, do some drilling and eventually, I'll need to affix the cable to something more permanent...
Work has been tough too...the 10 hour days wear me out. I've agreed to stay on and finish out my two weeks and not take the second week as vacation to help out my boss and the guys I'm leaving behind...Holly thinks I'm crazy, but admires my loyalty. My boss wasn't surprised when I offered to stick it out and has thanked me a couple times already. Last night at work I had to fight off the desire to just pack it in and screw off for several hours...we're actually getting ahead for a change.
I'm going to go home now...and sleep I think....I'm hungry.,.....maybe a sandwich before bed....
Why? I'm at church, it's 4:30am and I just finished pulling the network cable to tie the Mac into the network for Ben. (BTW Ben, you really ought to log out when you leave for the night...mmmmkay? PWND!!)
Why am I pullling network cable this late? I got done working at 2 and I had promised Ben that I would tie him in a couple days ago. Tonight I pushed thru, even though I had to take an unconventional route, do some drilling and eventually, I'll need to affix the cable to something more permanent...
Work has been tough too...the 10 hour days wear me out. I've agreed to stay on and finish out my two weeks and not take the second week as vacation to help out my boss and the guys I'm leaving behind...Holly thinks I'm crazy, but admires my loyalty. My boss wasn't surprised when I offered to stick it out and has thanked me a couple times already. Last night at work I had to fight off the desire to just pack it in and screw off for several hours...we're actually getting ahead for a change.
I'm going to go home now...and sleep I think....I'm hungry.,.....maybe a sandwich before bed....
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
transitions
this week at work we're pulling 10 hour days in an attempt to dig ourselves out of the hole sales keeps putting us in. I don't mind so much, except that it has really wiped me out in just two days...I was home by 2:30 this morning, walked the dog, and started working on a co-worker's computer....the caffeine finally wore off at 5 and I crashed...got out of bed about 2, grabbed a sandwich and I'm now mentally gearing myself up for tonight. I think the hardest part about 2nd shift for me has been the lack of social interaction with my friends. I see the guys at work, and I've gotten close to a few of them, but they aren't my friends I've had...follow me? I've got goofy hours that result in email tag with alot of my friends, and the occasional phone call during the week, and trying to see people on the weekends...
That all changes soon...I'm hoping to have some time, like a couple days, to adjust back to waking up in the morning, but nothing is too certain at this point.
That all changes soon...I'm hoping to have some time, like a couple days, to adjust back to waking up in the morning, but nothing is too certain at this point.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
follow up
ok, so if you've checked my blog since Friday, you will have noticed my short, cryptic post about being a daywalker....let me explain...no, that would take too long...let me sum up:
I start at Hein Electric Supply in two weeks. I'm going to start in the warehouse learning the shipping and receiving end, then I'll move to stocking and pulling and at some point, up to the front counter. I'm salaried, but not losing anything in the move financially, so I have nowhere to go but up. I made the move for two main reasons: 1. First Shift. I wanted my life back, to be able to make my meetings at church and not have to take vacation days to do it, to be able to play softball and soccer again, to see my friends on a regular basis, and most importantly, to see Holly more.
Thanx to everyone who dealt with my schedule this last year and a half...
C
I start at Hein Electric Supply in two weeks. I'm going to start in the warehouse learning the shipping and receiving end, then I'll move to stocking and pulling and at some point, up to the front counter. I'm salaried, but not losing anything in the move financially, so I have nowhere to go but up. I made the move for two main reasons: 1. First Shift. I wanted my life back, to be able to make my meetings at church and not have to take vacation days to do it, to be able to play softball and soccer again, to see my friends on a regular basis, and most importantly, to see Holly more.
Thanx to everyone who dealt with my schedule this last year and a half...
C
Friday, May 12, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
opportunity..knocks?
so for the last few days I've been wrestling with a potential change in vocation. I have a friend who has contacts looking for an intelligent, well heeled person to fill a position at their various companies...my name was mentioned to both. Interviewed with one on Tuesday (since this IS wednesday morning) and was given a pretty good idea of what I'd be doing if hired...basically, helping build the most expensive condo on Milwaukee's lakefront. Sounds demanding...I'm still chewing on the thought. The other job I interview for in about 8 hours...
why do I bring these up...I was thinking about it at work tonight, and I'm not sure either one presents an opportunity I want to take, or as Holly has asked me, "would I be happy doing X?" I realize that while I don't enjoy what I do currently, I also don't want to bail out for the promise of greener pastures, only to find cow patties waiting for me...
why do I bring these up...I was thinking about it at work tonight, and I'm not sure either one presents an opportunity I want to take, or as Holly has asked me, "would I be happy doing X?" I realize that while I don't enjoy what I do currently, I also don't want to bail out for the promise of greener pastures, only to find cow patties waiting for me...
I am a sheep
yeah, so I went and did it...now I'm just like all the cool kids...I have a mypace account...so far the coolest part of it is having friends I haven't heard from in forever write me, so that's good..we'll see what else comes of it I guess...
Thursday, May 4, 2006
anticipation?
I feel as though I'm waiting for something, though I'm not sure what it is.
I know that I'm going to receive a reprimand from my boss due to my attendance so far this year. I've been sick more than I care to remember, but it's only been a day each time....the problem is, it's been more than a few times since the first of the year.
I feel like there's something else that I'm anticipating....what I don't know...and that's what's bugging me I guess...
I've got some irons in the fire, so to speak, so we'll see how those turn out...I've decided to be more of the person who would rather move and be stopped than stand still and not be moved
I know that I'm going to receive a reprimand from my boss due to my attendance so far this year. I've been sick more than I care to remember, but it's only been a day each time....the problem is, it's been more than a few times since the first of the year.
I feel like there's something else that I'm anticipating....what I don't know...and that's what's bugging me I guess...
I've got some irons in the fire, so to speak, so we'll see how those turn out...I've decided to be more of the person who would rather move and be stopped than stand still and not be moved
Sunday, April 30, 2006
the weather today sucks...rain rain and more rain...and I'm sick again...stupid bronchitis....I managed to push thru it yesterday, but woke up this morning and my chest felt like it was on fire, so I didn't go to church today...there's not much on TV on a Sunday morning.
There is broadband at Holly's house now...her dad made the call and got DSL set up...I installed in on Friday, only to have some weird occurence happen that crippled the computer. It wasn't a virus or spyware, and I did get it figured out and get them back online last night.
mmmmm...lemon lift tea
There is broadband at Holly's house now...her dad made the call and got DSL set up...I installed in on Friday, only to have some weird occurence happen that crippled the computer. It wasn't a virus or spyware, and I did get it figured out and get them back online last night.
mmmmm...lemon lift tea
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
oh my....
so I'm at a client's house, waiting for a scan to get done, and I'm online and see the Seagate has introduced a 750 GB hard drive...WOW...now I want one...
Friday, April 21, 2006
My Savior My God
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior
I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be
Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my savior
I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For him to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, my God he is
My God he's always gonna be
Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my savior
That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my savior
My savior loves, my savior lives
My savior's always there for me
My God he was, My God he is
My God he's always gonna be
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I had a good night at work last night...my body hurts today, but last night was pretty smooth. I order that has me hurting today was 24 cuts by 89' each, piggybacked onto the same reel. When I was done, the order weighed about 1700 pounds..so I'm guessing the master reel I was pulling from was over 2000 pounds before I started. To get each cut moving, I had to pull enough off the master reel so the cable wouldn't slip out of the rubber bands I had holding the end on the reel I was putting the cable on...fun stuff
adding to the fun was a blink in the power about 11:25 last night...everything switched over to emergency power for about 10 minutes before the power came back on...wrap it up at 1 and go home.
I'm sponsoring a middle eastern child..you know where you can give like 70 cents a day to help feed, clothe, house and educate a child in a lesser developed area of the world? Yeah, I'm doing that..it's called owning an SUV. I filled my truck up last night for $55. I know, I lie in the bed I made (ok, I would if I made my bed), and it's not that much worse than my Ranger was, so I'm not complaining just to complain, I'm just letting everyone know that I spent $55 on gas last night. That was for 18 gallons of regular at $3.09 a gallon. The Ranger also had a slightly smaller tank, or at least a shorter neck to the tank...yeah, I'm one of "those" people who click all the way to the top of the neck :P
I've managed to recover from the cold I picked up over the weekend that made Easter less than fun for me...fear not, my plans for this weekend are unaltered!
adding to the fun was a blink in the power about 11:25 last night...everything switched over to emergency power for about 10 minutes before the power came back on...wrap it up at 1 and go home.
I'm sponsoring a middle eastern child..you know where you can give like 70 cents a day to help feed, clothe, house and educate a child in a lesser developed area of the world? Yeah, I'm doing that..it's called owning an SUV. I filled my truck up last night for $55. I know, I lie in the bed I made (ok, I would if I made my bed), and it's not that much worse than my Ranger was, so I'm not complaining just to complain, I'm just letting everyone know that I spent $55 on gas last night. That was for 18 gallons of regular at $3.09 a gallon. The Ranger also had a slightly smaller tank, or at least a shorter neck to the tank...yeah, I'm one of "those" people who click all the way to the top of the neck :P
I've managed to recover from the cold I picked up over the weekend that made Easter less than fun for me...fear not, my plans for this weekend are unaltered!
Monday, April 10, 2006
boring?
so, I get an email from Holly's sister Katie, stating that both Holly and I have boring blogs. Well, I figure work's been a large part of my life lately, and I'm kinda tired of complaining about it, and I figure people are tired of reading about how much I complain about work, so that hasn't left me much to write about....until now..
The Ranger is dead...I somehow managed to break the passenger side leaf spring mounts, so the truck had a lean to it and it drove a little scary. Happened to see a car I liked, only to be told that it was gone once I got to the dealer. I noticed an Explorer on the lot...took it for a drive, bought it the next day. 1999 Ford Explorer 2 door, black with grey interior, 4x4, automatic, pretty much everything except leather and a moonroof...very nice indeed, and I got a good deal on it.
Saturday, pulled 4 hours overtime, came home and cleaned up, picked up Holly and headed to a "surprise" birthday party for my friend Brandon...I say "surprise" because he managed to figure it out...he's sly like that...after Buca's (yum!) it was back to Brandon's house to just hang out and chill with folks I don't get to see all that often. I had a beer (GUINESS!!) and Holly asked for my keys. Now, one beer does not get me anywhere near drunk, but I knew she wanted a reason to drive the new truck, so I gladly handed them over to her. She enjoys my new truck as much as I do ;)
Sunday, church in the morning, meeting right after church, home long enough to catch some of the race and a short nap, then back to church to set up for the worship night we were having. Overall, the worship night went well and we had a great mix in the crowd. Back home to hang out with Holly some more before the week starts.
Monday (today), did some laundry, checked my email, read some news, took the dog for a walk (and met two other dogs...RUN RUN RUN)...and here I sit typing before I head out the door to head to work. Half day today since I have a leadership meeting at church, but I may, if the workload dictates, got back in at midnight for a couple hours.
There you go...I wouldn't say that's exactly boring, but I don't know if it's entertaining for Katie :P
The Ranger is dead...I somehow managed to break the passenger side leaf spring mounts, so the truck had a lean to it and it drove a little scary. Happened to see a car I liked, only to be told that it was gone once I got to the dealer. I noticed an Explorer on the lot...took it for a drive, bought it the next day. 1999 Ford Explorer 2 door, black with grey interior, 4x4, automatic, pretty much everything except leather and a moonroof...very nice indeed, and I got a good deal on it.
Saturday, pulled 4 hours overtime, came home and cleaned up, picked up Holly and headed to a "surprise" birthday party for my friend Brandon...I say "surprise" because he managed to figure it out...he's sly like that...after Buca's (yum!) it was back to Brandon's house to just hang out and chill with folks I don't get to see all that often. I had a beer (GUINESS!!) and Holly asked for my keys. Now, one beer does not get me anywhere near drunk, but I knew she wanted a reason to drive the new truck, so I gladly handed them over to her. She enjoys my new truck as much as I do ;)
Sunday, church in the morning, meeting right after church, home long enough to catch some of the race and a short nap, then back to church to set up for the worship night we were having. Overall, the worship night went well and we had a great mix in the crowd. Back home to hang out with Holly some more before the week starts.
Monday (today), did some laundry, checked my email, read some news, took the dog for a walk (and met two other dogs...RUN RUN RUN)...and here I sit typing before I head out the door to head to work. Half day today since I have a leadership meeting at church, but I may, if the workload dictates, got back in at midnight for a couple hours.
There you go...I wouldn't say that's exactly boring, but I don't know if it's entertaining for Katie :P
Friday, March 31, 2006
I've noticed lately that I've been more prone to becoming ill. Part of it may be the my body is simply aging and I need to start taking vitamins; I think the bigger part is how hard I'm pushing myself at work. I've never had to push this hard and I think it's taking it's toll on me physically. Friday comes and I wake up feeling beat up, I don't enjoy my weekends much and we (at work) don't see the relief coming anytime soon. I'm thankful for my job, and I realize that I'm here because of decisions I've made in my life.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
before I go to bed tonight, I'm gonna do some writing since it's been a while
I woke up today feeling refreshed for the first time in a while. I only slept 6 hours, but it was nice to not wake up and feel like I hadn't slept at all. Work went pretty smooth, even though we had to pull an extra couple hours as mandated by the boss...
I've had some good conversations lately with close friends...you know who you are...
I've seen people that I've missed...and realized how much I missed some of them, and how much I didn't miss the rest...
I love Holly more each day...and why, you ask? She lets me be me, in all my fractures, faults and failings, valiance, victories and vigor.
I know that my life isn't perfect, but I live in the hope that I am made perfect by Christ, the One who paid for me, a worthless sinful wretched person and that one day, I'll be next to Him...
I'm preparing to batten down the hatches, as I think it's going to get bumpy soon
I woke up today feeling refreshed for the first time in a while. I only slept 6 hours, but it was nice to not wake up and feel like I hadn't slept at all. Work went pretty smooth, even though we had to pull an extra couple hours as mandated by the boss...
I've had some good conversations lately with close friends...you know who you are...
I've seen people that I've missed...and realized how much I missed some of them, and how much I didn't miss the rest...
I love Holly more each day...and why, you ask? She lets me be me, in all my fractures, faults and failings, valiance, victories and vigor.
I know that my life isn't perfect, but I live in the hope that I am made perfect by Christ, the One who paid for me, a worthless sinful wretched person and that one day, I'll be next to Him...
I'm preparing to batten down the hatches, as I think it's going to get bumpy soon
Saturday, March 11, 2006
it's been a long week
it's been a long week for me, and it's not over yet...
Monday...the inventory server at work went down...2nd shift called off....we'll work 4 ten hour day to make up the lost night
Tuesday...the cold I feared I had Monday has materialized...no work for Chad
Wednesday and Thursday....work 3:30 to 2, wind down, crash...up around 1 both days
Friday..up about 12:30ish..clean the bathroom, get ready for work, head to work...only to find out we have MANDATORY overtime on Saturday...12-4....I'll have to make arrangements with my assistant coach for my basketball game, since I won't be there to coach....last week too...oh..and I didn't quite beat my cold, so I think my bronchitis is flairing up now....dandy
I believe that Saturday night and Sunday I will do as little as possible so I don't wear myself out even more....lots of vitamin C and fluids are the order of the weekend...
what sucks is I was just getting into my groove when I was getting to bed at a reasonable time, and I let this week derail me....I'll start again next week, assuming we aren't up to our eyeballs in work....
Monday...the inventory server at work went down...2nd shift called off....we'll work 4 ten hour day to make up the lost night
Tuesday...the cold I feared I had Monday has materialized...no work for Chad
Wednesday and Thursday....work 3:30 to 2, wind down, crash...up around 1 both days
Friday..up about 12:30ish..clean the bathroom, get ready for work, head to work...only to find out we have MANDATORY overtime on Saturday...12-4....I'll have to make arrangements with my assistant coach for my basketball game, since I won't be there to coach....last week too...oh..and I didn't quite beat my cold, so I think my bronchitis is flairing up now....dandy
I believe that Saturday night and Sunday I will do as little as possible so I don't wear myself out even more....lots of vitamin C and fluids are the order of the weekend...
what sucks is I was just getting into my groove when I was getting to bed at a reasonable time, and I let this week derail me....I'll start again next week, assuming we aren't up to our eyeballs in work....
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
ah, the joys of winter
have I ever mentioned that I love being sick? I hate head colds, espcially when they migrates to my to my chest. called in sick to work....we had last night off due to a computer problem with our inventory server, so we couldn't work. I'm feeling better now after a hot shower and some soup and OJ.
Not much else to report I suppose...I started reading Blue Like Jazz last night...so far I like it...hopefully I don't do my normal book reading thing and not finish it
Not much else to report I suppose...I started reading Blue Like Jazz last night...so far I like it...hopefully I don't do my normal book reading thing and not finish it
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
I like hymns....
So Alan Jackson has a new cd of hymns out...I love hymns...and it's refreshing to hear them sung honestly, not just to end a service on a Sunday morning.
tired...so tired..10 hours
tired...so tired..10 hours
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