so much that I want to say...

I have so much that I want to say, but I cannot, for fear that I will say things that will do entirely too much damage.

I *hate* that I have to change plans because something didn't work out.

I *hate* that I feel unfulfilled at this very moment.

I *hate* that I have not worked for a better position for myself.

blah

It's Monday night and I'm sitting at home, enjoying my nightly bowl of popcorn.

I've tucked Holly into bed because of a bad headache. I had to wake her up to feed her dinner, then I marched her to bed.

I'm feeling blah, in spite of the weather, and I don't care for that one bit. I'd like to snap out of the funk I'm in, but that may be a while.

Spinning wheel got to go 'round

With declining revenues in the gas tax due to people driving more fuel efficient cars, it appears the Obama administration is considering a mileage tax for cars to recoup the "missing" revenue.

So, let me get this straight: liberals want those of us who choose to own a car to have a fuel efficient car, then bitch about the fact that gas tax revenue goes down when people *do* buy fuel efficient cars?

Really??

I moved to a more fuel efficient car 3 years ago because I simply couldn't afford to fill my 1999 Explorer twice a week at $55 a crack. My Focus gets almost twice the mileage my Explorer did, and it's a nice car. I made the choice, based on my budget, to move to a smaller vehicle that still suited my driving needs.

But because I *chose* to live within my means and not sell my soul to pay for gas, I might *still* have to pay more for the privilege of driving, based on my mileage. My wife and I generally take my car when we go out, whether we go to the movies or to visit my family in Illinois. I already pay more for the privilege of driving due to the fact that I use more gas in my car to drive those miles; I don't feel I should be taxed *again* based on mileage driven, as I've already paid to use the roads I drive on with my gas taxes.

I'm tired of the government on all levels telling me they need more money all the time; I have to live within my income, government can learn to live within it's income as well.

Love Song

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain,
But I walked the hill of Calvary.

Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay no
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
All of those dreams are an empty motion.
It can never be done.
I've never swam the deepest ocean,
But I walked upon the raging sea.

Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay no
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.

I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love.
How I died upon the cross for your sins.
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I give you
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay no
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.
Just to be with you.

Dick Taters

Wisconsin State Senator Tim Carpenter has called Governor Scott Walker's actions dictator-like, refering to the budget repair bill that Walker has proposed.

Stated here, Carpenter refers to Walker's treatment as "The Governor won't return calls, isn't talking to us, being very dictatorial...."

Senator Carpenter, the Governor won't beg you to do your damn job, he simply expects you to show up at the Capitol, as you were voted to do by your constituents, and partake in the democratic process that you accuse the Governor of circumventing.

In 2008, I voted, and although I didn't like the outcome, I didn't throw a hissy fit because I didn't get my way. When National Health Care was passed in Congress, I didn't throw a hissy fit. I'll admit, I was upset, but I didn't withdraw from the process; I went to the polls in 2010 and voted again. My vote contributed to the pendulum swinging to the right. That's how the democratic process works. We the people tell our elected officials what we would like by voting and voicing our opinion to them by phone, email, and letter. In Wisconsin, the majority elected Scott Walker to the office of Governor to correct the budget shenanigans from the previous administration.

Senator Carpenter, you and your Democrat Party allies are holding up the democratic process. Yes, you are in the minority now, but you still get to make your voice heard during the debate over legislation, and your arguments may sway someone to change his or her vote to your side. However, comparing Governor Walker to a dictator like Hitler, Hussein or Gadhafi is completely inaccurate.



Senator Carpenter, I ask you, along with the other Democratic senators, to come back to Wisconsin, so that you may continue your work as you were elected to do.

Shenanigans

My thoughts on the news in Madison, WI:

1. I support the overall objective of Governor Walker's budget repair bill. I voted for him in November because I wanted him to cut through the bullshit and balance the state budget. Former Governor Jim Doyle was too busy kissing the ass of special interest groups, making sweetheart deals and the like to actually do his damn job. The pendulum has swung the other way.

2. I do think the timing of this bill is a bit aggressive, but again, this is why I voted for Walker.

3. I have several friends who are teachers. During the school year, many of them worked more than 40 hours on just the teaching portion, and some coached extra curricular activities, which took more time. Yes, they had three months off in the summer, but I would think that at the end of the tax year, they worked similar hours to someone who worked a "9-5" job.

4. I don't think teachers should be tenured. I can't think of one private sector job that locks someone in for "lifetime" employment. My job is based on my performance; if I can't do my job, I don't have one. I don't think that test scores alone are a basis for rating teacher performance, but I think a bad teacher should be able to be removed.

5. I don't have a pension, or even a 401(k). I have the freedom to choose what to do with my paycheck. Once Holly and I build up our savings, I'm setting up an IRA and making sure *I* take care of my retirement, because no one else is going to do it for me.

6. I want to see the public unions pay more toward health care coverage. We have insurance through my wife's employer and she pays almost 13% of her gross pay for that insurance. Would it kill public sector employess to pay something a little closer to that??

7. Dear people protesting: your rights are not being trampled. Please read this first. I don't see the right to collective bargaining, the right to health care or the right to "insert bullshit thing" here.

8. All of this being said, I really would like to see people come together and discuss these kinds of political matters in a civil manner; however, I fear that time has passed in America.

Sometimes a nut is just a nut

"We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions." ~Ronald Reagan


I wanted to take some time to think about what to say and let the rawness of the news from Tucson on Saturday settle down a bit.

Holly and I were watching TV when the breaking news about the shooting came on. I had a bad feeling when I saw the breaking news logo, knowing it wasn't something like an oil spill or other item like that.

We were both a bit stunned and shocked by it. I immediately went to the 'net to see what was being said. The less rational, on both sides, were already pointing fingers, even though there wasn't much known about the shooter or his motives.

Those more rational people cut through the noise and chastened those pointing fingers and implored readers to simply pray for those injured.

Do I think everyone needs to step back from the ledge of the political landscape and calm the f**k down? Yes! I'm all for being passionate about a political stance, but there comes a point when passion turns into irrational behavior.

This thought keeps coming back to me: sometimes a nut is just a nut. There is no political motivation, just insanity.

looking back, looking ahead...

I'm sitting at the Mcdonald's on Moorland across from Brookfield Square. Holly's car is at the mechanic doing the work I couldn't get done, namely the fuel filler neck.

I summed up my thoughts on 2010 by saying these words: "get bent". I meant it. 2010 felt like such a crap year that I don't ever want to go through again. It was the first year I worked less than I was off, 4 1/2 months working vs. 7 1/2 months off. Money got tight. I stopped sleeping regularly because I was worried about making ends meet. Wondering if I would find a job at some point. Doubting my self worth.

There were, of course, so great thing about 2010: Holly took me to Vegas for my birthday, and we got to see our first Sprint Cup race together, and then she took me to Indy for another race. Vegas was bought and paid for before I was laid off, for Indy we pinched pennies and made things work.

We got a dog and named him Lumos. White Miniature Schnauzer. Cute little guy who won me over rather quickly, despite my doubts I would take to him. Holly badgered me about getting a dog, and wore me down to the point where when we signed the lease on our new place, she started looking. We brought him home the day we moved in. the first week or so was rough, since we have to housebreak him, and Holly was sick, so that was left to me. He's a great companion during the day and has more than once reminded me that we all need someone to lean on, usually when he's leaning on me while I sit on the couch.

Holly and I celebrated our first annivesary of marriage. When folks ask me what I've learned in that year, I tell them I've learned how to hit curveballs very well, as life threw alot of curveballs at us.

I'm eager to see what 2011 brings for us, and I hope it's a good year for you too.

How Deep the Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

and the wait continues...

For me, the most frustrating part of getting laid off has been trying to find another job.

I'm sure I could get something in fast food, but I'd like to think I'm worth a little more than that.

My resume is a mixed bag, with retail, factory and technical jobs; jack of all trades, master of nothing if you will.

I've been unemployed long enough that I've received an extension on my benefit after exhausting my initial claim.

After laying low for a while, I've decided to start writing again. After all, I still have plenty of time on my hands as I haven't been able to find work in a field I want to stick with. I'm sure I could go to work at a fast food restaurant, but that won't pay as much as the unemployment benefit I'm receiving.

So what do I want to do? I'd prefer to do something with computers and networking, but everything I see on the job sites basically requires a two year degree, or a thousand years of experience. I've also considered going back to school; I've already applied to WCTC with the interest in a degree in computer networking. The other fun part of that would be paying for it.

There's a part of me that just want's to say "screw it", and find a job in a warehouse driving a fork truck, but there's this small, loud part that says hang in there, don't give up just yet.

In other news, Holly and I went to a midnight showing of Harry Potter 7.1 on opening night. To me, HP7 has a very "Empire Strikes Back" feel; the bad guys are winning and all seems lost.

While waiting for the movie to start, we were in line outside the theater for about and hour and a half, and in the theater a full two hours before the movie started. What I observed of high school and college kids is worth sharing. The young ladies we were next to in line were quite nice, and polite as well, making conversation with us as we were all very excited. Once we were in the theater, however, the crowd was rather bratty. Holly and I checked our Facebook with our phones and played cribbage to kill the time. Seated to my right were three young "ladies" who had rather foul mouths. If you know me at all, you know I can cuss up a blue streak, but to hear some of the language coming from these three surprised even me.

Once the previews started, the crowd settled in. Interestingly, the second preview was for "Sarah Palin's Alaska." Almost immediately, the whole theater started booing and yelling less than pleasant things, all because they disagree with Sarah Palin. I'll admit, I had to fight the urge to yell "2012!" at the end of the preview, just to see what would happen, but I didn't yell it.

The movie itself was pretty good, as was the crowd. Holly and I waited to see if there might be a sneak peak at Harry Potter 7.2, but there wasn't, so we headed for the car. Now, The Ridge in New Berlin had 7 showing of HP7.1 at midnight, and we waited to leave, so there was a pretty good line waiting to get out of the parking lot. Once we got in the car and got into a line, I had another "you damn kid" moment.

I'm pretty sure most adults know "The Parking Lot" game, ya now, the game you play at any major event that has a large crowd; if you are in a main line to leave a parking lot, you let someone in front of you, just like someone let's you in, so traffic keeps moving along.

I make it to the main line, and I'm stymied not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES by nitwits. The young woman driving the third car, a green Hyundai Sonata, looked right at me as she stopped, and I saw her face. She looked absolutely terrified, and I have no idea why. I did manage to get in line behind her, and then proceeded to let someone else in who had been waiting.

I'll admit, I'm getting old, but courtesy and manners never goes out of style. Holly commented she thought the behavior we witnessed was part of the "me" generation that seems to be so prevalent these days. I was inclined to agree, and it saddened me.

Roller coaster moments

As I get older, I find that I don't enjoy some of the things that I did when I was younger.

Yesterday, Holly and I had the pleasure of joining our friends Ben and Sarah at Six Flags. I enjoy roller coasters, but I didn't always. When I was six, my family was in Texas for my Uncle Gary's wedding and I rode some of the big coasters with my Dad at Six Flags over Texas. I just made minimum height for the Screamin' Eagle; believe me, I screamed through the entire ride. Somehow, after that, my Dad talked me into riding a "smaller" coaster, the Mine Car Ride, which wasn't too bad until the last drop into a "mine shaft."

I didn't ride a coaster again until I was 18. I decided to get over my fear and just ride a coaster. It worked. I found a love for coasters born out of fear.

When Holly and I started dating, I found out the she loved coasters too, despite having a fear of heights.

Fast forward to yesterday. The four of us get to Six Flags, ready to ride. I don't usually eat breakfast on roller coaster days, for fear of vomiting, and yesterday was no exception. First ride was the Superman, then off to Vertical Velocity followed by Batman. The lines were pretty short, so we were able to hit all three in less than 90 minutes.

I think that's what did me in; I didn't have my usual long wait to recover between rides. After Vertical Velocity, I grabbed a Coke to settle my stomach, only to have that Coke churn away while we were on Batman.

I walked away from Batman feeling queasy, and Holly was concerned. We took a break, as Ben was feeling a bit out of sorts as well, and had a bite to eat to calm our stomachs. I took the next couple coasters, Viper and Raging Bull, off and just took pictures of the other three as they left the station.

After walking around for a bit, I found my legs again and I *had* to ride the American Eagle. Once we got settled into the car and it took off, I felt both better and worse, but everything went fine, and we headed back to the Viper and Raging Bull to ride those.

After Raging Bull,, the girls were up for another ride, but Ben and I had reached our limit. Ben was grumbling something about getting old, and I just laughed it off with him while we waited for the girls to finish the Demon.

Even though I wasn't at 100% all day, I still had alot of fun, because I was with people dear to me. That takes the roller coaster feeling out of life, and makes for a smoother ride.

525,600 minutes

Holly and I celebrated 1 year of marriage last weekend. We reserved a room at the Pfister, just like we did for our wedding night, and made other plans as well.

We dropped our dog, Lumos, off at Holly's folks house and spent some time with them and also Holly's sister and brother-in-law before checking in at the Pfister.

We arrived at the Pfister and valeted the car; it always cracks me up to see my Focus lined up with Escalades and other more expensive vehicles, but the doorman always treats us like royalty.

Upon checking in, we are informed the room is quite ready yet. The hostess makes a phone call and asks for a hurry up on our room, and then gives us $20 in credit to the bar for drinks. Holly and I thanked her and went to the bar: Diet Coke for her, Ginger Ale and Jameson for me.

The hostess let us know our room was ready and we proceeded to our room. I had reserved a King Suite and it was fabulous! the front room had a counch and cushy chair, and the bedroom was as large!

We took a nap and then headed out to dnner at Saz's, one of our favorite restaurants, and then headed to the Marcus for Wicked. Holly loves muscal theater, especially Broadway shows, so I made sure we had tickets.

Wicked was amazing, and I think Holly is turning me into a fan of the theater as well.

We made a Leon's custard run after dinner and then back to the hotel to crash.

Up in the morning and breakfast in the Cafe at the Pfister, a ham and cheese omelet for Holly, biscuits and gravy for me. After breakfast, we went back to the room to pack and then to check out.

We went to hang out at Holly's folks some more, as well as pick up Lumos. We had lunch and just chilled for most of the afternoon.

Ater one year of marriage, I love my wife even more than the day I married her. We've been through alot: job changes, job losses, promotions, a move, difference of opinion, celebrating each other strengths, picking each other up during times of weakness.

I love you Holly ;)

Stop trying to hit me and hit me!

Hello friends,

I've been grappling with the idea lately of just doing. Not thinking, doing.

I have a tendency, ok, more like habit, ok, disease where I over think and over analyze things when I have time to think. When it comes to snap decisions, I'm a rock star, but when there is time for the thought or idea to marinate in my brain, I let doubt creep in take root.

Since I was laid off in February, I wondered what would be next on my job path. Sure, I have a small business, but I'm not seeing enough clients to make that a full time deal, yet.

I sent out several resumes to tech postings looking for IT work, be it setting up computers in an office or doing lower level networking. I had a couple of interviews, but nothing materialized.

My friend Curtis mention to me that the company he works for was looking for "data monkeys." Basically, learn the web-based software they use to display their products online for quotation purposes.

I was skeptical; I'm not a web guy, I'm a hardware guy. Curtis told me to throw my name in the hat and just try it.

We, that being two other guys and myself, were given a week's training in Downtown Milwaukee at the software company's headquarters, and after that we are at the New Berlin location of the company I am temping for. We were provided with laptops and a room of our own to work in.

Initially, it was very tense, as we were trying to learn the software AND learn the products we were going to be modeling. After the second week, I had serious doubts about my ability to do the job.

I let doubt creep in and poison my thought process: the cycle wasn't "How can I accomplish this", it was "can I do this".

One day, Ben, one of the other two guys, was working on his product line and was a bit stumped. I asked him to flesh out his process to me so I could help him see any gaps. When we finished, he says "OH! That's it!!".

To which I replied "Stop trying to hit me and hit me", refering to the fight scene in The Matrix where Neo is fighting Morpheus, and Morpheus is trying to convince Neo that Neo can indeed, hit Morpheus.

Ben's a friend of mine and we were roommates for a year, so he looks at me and sticks his tongue out at me.

what I learned from that, in helping Ben, was that I needed to stop worrying about IF I could do it, and JUST DO IT.

Friday, before the holiday weekend, Ben and I met with the Product Manager for our product lines we are working on, to show him what the online configurator would look like. He was very pleased with what we showed him.

After that meeting, I felt so much better about my ability to learn what I'm doing in a new situation and carry on and do my best with what I've been given.

Life goes on...

The move is complete. We now live in Brookfield, closer to everything we do, except Holly's job.

We're both fighting sickness: Holly has some sort of cough from hell that comes in fits and those fits last up to 10 minutes at a crack. I am suffering with my yearly bought of bronchitis, which brought a sore throat with it this time.

Our puppy, Lumos, is cute. Chewing on everything because he's teething, but cute. Whiny when he needs to pee, but that's better than peeing on the floor inside...and he's cute. Pics to come.

Life goes on....

An excellent weekend

I had an excellent weekend...

Saturday was my wife's birthday, so we were up to get her to her hair appointment. Holly wanted to try something different with her hair, so she cut it short and very cute.

While Holly was getting her hair done, I was taking care of a computer client; seems the fan on the video card was failing and making a grinding sound. WD-40 didn't take care of it, so I headed to the local parts store to get a new card. The store opened 10 minutes late for whatever reason, but I had time to pass one of my business cards to someone else who was waiting in line to get in. ;)

Pick Holly up at the salon, compliment her new look, and head to Gurnee for lunch with her folks, sister and brother-in-law at the Olive Garden. We were early and had time to kill, so we drove around a bit.

After lunch, Holly's sister Katie wanted to take Holly shopping, so we headed off to the JC Penny in Vernon Hills. The girls went shopping, while Jon (brother-in-law) and I cruised the mall looking for power tools and flat screen TVs...hello Sears.

After Katie was done spending money on Holly, we headed home. Holly let me watch the Nascar race while she showed me the new tops she had gotten. After the race, it was bedtime.

Sunday we up early so we could be to church by 8:30...Holly to help lead worship and I to watch the kids of the one of the other worship leaders. After church, we had lunch with some friends, then made our way to Slinger Superspeedway for the season opener. Now, before you get mad at me for making Holly go to the races on her birthday weekend, SHE bought the tickets...I had asked if it would be ok if we went.

At Slinger, we sat with our friends Pete and Cindy down in turn 1. The racing was close and the weather was perfect...both Holly and I got a little too much sun.

We took the scenic route home, and just vegged out once we got in the door.

No rush, no hurry, just a relaxing weekend.

trying to remember ....

The days have started to bleed together, and I had to ask Holly for some details.

Monday, Holly and I went down to Chicago to goof off, and Monday was the only day we didn't have something going on either of our calendars. We went to the Adler planetarium, took photos of Wrigley and Soldier Fields, and got to eat at one of our favorite restaurants, Leona's, and got to hang out with our friend Laura :)

Thursday, I had a Twitter social event in Milwaukee. I had the chance to meet up with some new folks I hadn't yet met face to face, as well as find new people to stalk on Twitter.

Friday, we had dinner at some friends' and played Wii til our arms fell off...I want a Wii...

Saturday, we headed up to Appleton for the semi-annual check on Holly's ring. Why Appleton? It's one of the two closest Helzberg Diamond stores; the other is in Gurnee, and we had been to that one already. We had lunch at the Fox River Mall, then came home. Holly drove home because I was having a hard time focusing; I fell asleep. We were home a couple of hours, then headed to catch "How To Catch a Dragon" in Delafield. Very cute, go see it. After the movie, we grabbed a bite to eat at George Webb's in Oconomowoc before heading home.

Holly didn't sleep so well Saturday night, so we stayed home from church and just vegged out. My race was on at noon, and we followed that up with a disc of Battlestar Galactica. We've pretty much morphed into our couch at this point.

Catching up on things

Sorry I haven't been around much lately....seems like I have alot on my mind.

The job search continues; I've had a couple of interviews, but nothing yet. Business, however, has been good. I'm hoping the business takes off and I can stop looking for a job, but until then, we go with the two-pronged attack.

Holly's wrist surgery went well. She DOES NOT like being left handed while her right hand is all bandaged up. She's also not cleared to drive yet, so anywhere she goes, I go. The stitches come out on Friday, so we'll see what happens there.

My sister-in-law Katie is in the hospital. If you're on Facebook, you may already have an idea what's going on....that's all I'll offer from here.

Hand and Foot

The job search continues; I've had a couple of nibbles, but nothing concrete yet. The business has been pretty good, and I'm hoping that trend continues.

Holly went in for carpal tunnel surgery this morning; we were up at 4:30 to be to the hospital at 5:30. She was wheeled off to surgery just after 7:30 and was home by 10:30. After a bite to eat, she took a nap. I fell asleep on the couch as well.

This afternoon has been all about movies and taking care of Holly.

One month later....

It's been a month.

Funny how little time it takes my body to adjust from 5:30am wake up calls to 8 am sounding early. Holly's very good abut making sure I'm up before she leaves for work.


The trick has been keeping my time occupied during the day. Sure, I spend a decent chunk of time looking for work, but after a few days, the same jobs I've already applied for drift to the top.

I did have a staffing agency call me today for a short term project; I meet with them tomorrow to get to know each other...we'll see where it goes.

Holly and I have been looking at apartments closer to Milwaukee. The only thing we have here in Oconomowoc is her job, and all of our friends live in or near Milwaukee, so she's ok with driving. We've got a few places in mind to check out.

In a couple of weeks, Holly has wrist surgery, which means she be out of work for six weeks. I'm hoping to have found something before that time, since she goes on disability, which combined with my unemployment could make things very tight. We've been watching our money very carefully in the last month, and we're ahead of where we thought we'd be, which is great.