so I spent the better part of my Monday dealing with the thoughts and emotions I encountered on Sunday...went to work already tired, which didn't help my cause much...mondays are always heavy and tuesdays are worse...so the frustration in my life, coupled with work frustration led to slight lapses in mental precision...Nick asked me to move a pallet (of customer ordered wire) to staging so it could be packaged...I went and got a fork truck, had someone ask me something, and forget to grab the pallet...I simply put the fork truck back where I got it...oi

worked til about 1:30am....gassed up my truck and grabbed a frozen pizza in case I was hungry when I got home...I wasn't, so the pizza will survive to see another day...

I spent alot of tonight wondering what the future holds for my church...and what changes will take place...I'm still learning that the only constant is change, and I'm kind of getting used to being comfortable in uncomfortable situations...and I know that in the midst of everything, God is still God, and the world keeps turning because He wants it to...I just wish I wasn't so tired all the time and could enjoy my days a bit more...

the only constant is change

Pastor Mike tendered his resignation today at the church business meeting

I wasn't there...glad I wasn't...I'm still piecing together the thoughts and feelings I had when Ben called me with the news..I was on the road coming back from Naperville where Holly and I had just finished visiting with her sister and brother in law...

It'll all sink in...but the reality will hit at the end of February..

Dammit

so, it's even gloomy in Naperville..rained all day in Milwaukee yesterday. Holly and I stayed at her sister and brother-on-law's place last night. Holly now knows how to play Texas Hold'em, which is dangerous :P Slept in this morning since we were all up late, had cinnamon rolls for breakfast (well, we're going to...the rolls are in the oven now)...we'll hang out a bit longer then Holly and I have to get back to Milwaukee for our usual Sunday afternoon activities

a new title...

so I changed the name of my blog to reflect my musical tastes lately....I'm not ALL techno, but it makes feel so much better after a hard night at work, like last night...

Cascada....check them out...techno-esque enough that I don't mind

work Tuesday sucked horribly....I left so frustrated....last night went much smoother..I'm still latching on to material handling, but did much better last night...now it's trying to refine it enough so that I can get all that the job entails done in 8 hours, not 10...bleah

I'm not donating a kidney anymore.

I talked with Ewald over lunch yesterday and he's cool with my decision...he's been supportive of whatever decision I would make throughout all of this...

Why did I change my mind....well, there's something not sitting well with me, but I don't know how to explain it, but I just couldn't keep going, pretending it wasn't nagging me.

Part of me feels like I let Ewald down, but something tells me he'll be ok in the long run, that someone will step up and be a match...that same something tells me I've made the correct choice on this matter

random thoughts

work kicked my butt Monday night...I'm material handling now, which means I'm fetching and putting away reels for the respoolers...my shoulders were sore all day Tuesday

Business meeting went well, I thought, at church Tuesday night...breezed thru the budget itself in a little more than an hour...spent some time dreaming about how we would change the sanctuary when the time comes...

I got alot done at home after the meeting...several loads of laundry, got my room cleaned...stuff that I feel like I don't have time for, but do, I just don't take it...

seeing a pick up in computer calls coming my way....I'm liking that...

missing persons

Lately I've been thinking about the people that I miss. I miss them due to my work schedule, I miss them do to a change in their church habits...I just miss them.

I miss John and Jen...I was best man in their wedding this past summer...I've seen them a couple times since...

I miss my friend Brandon...he's the reason I moved to Milwaukee almost 7 years ago...

I miss Mark and Kathy, Randy and Shelly, John and Amy, Jim and Kathy, and a host of other people...it breaks my heart when people inside God's house hurt each other to the point where some people have no choice but to leave to find healing...

I miss my roommates....I get to see them more than I see other people, but not nearly as often as I'd like....

more progress

so a couple of days ago I pulled some network cable in my church....well, tonight I added another access point so we can make access easier (to those we give access to).

the office area is now in a wifi bubble...and I've got everything locked down good and tight.

I really need to sit down and document what I've done so far before I forget too much.

and techno doesn't sound so good on the main speakers...

feels like progress

so I'm sitting in the Underground, the youth room at my church, enjoying the success from pulling network cable so we have the network in here...I also got the network pulled into the gym office so Upwards is tied in....I've only been talking about running the cable for 3 months now....I'm glad I've got this part done...

and the times, they are a-changin'

in about 8 hours, I'm going to be standing in front of my church, declaring the new name of our young adult group and in some way, feeling like I'm blowing sunshine up people's dresses.

I say that b/c I'm tired of the games people play at church. How we all show up and pretend things are perfect and no one has issues (except the folks on the prayer list). I wish people could get over themselves and just worship....I wish I had a group of people I could meet with, as a ministry of the church, that share my schedule.

I'm tired of phoniness with people. I know who I can be real with on a Sunday morning, and who is just smiling and shaking my hand b/c they were told to after the first song of worship.

Amazingly, despite all of my "issues" with my church, I can't see my self anywhere else. I don't mind re-arranging my schedule to get up on a Sunday to attend with my fellow believers at Ridgewood. There are some great folks there...and I hope it's not too late to save the ship before she goes down.

work work work

so two days into the new year, and I'm averaging just over 10 hours a day at work...meaning, I go in at 3:30pm to start,and I haven't left before 1:45am...last night I left at 3am, came home, watched some Buffy with Rob, had a small glass of wine and went to bed at 5am. Do I feel like I accomplished something these last couple night...of course I do...I did 130,000 feet (about 25 miles) of wire last night in 10 hours or so, which is pretty darn good on a respool machine. Tonight at some point, I'll get trained on material handling, which means I'll be bringing wire out to the guys and putting away the wire they are done with. Should be fun.

I'm starting to have second thoughts about donating a kidney...not that I want to back out...but I'm feeling alot of anxiety over it all...I feel like UW-Madison, although very thorough, is taking too long....now they want me to see a psychiatrist due to something that came up during the psychological portion of my testing. Basically b/c I had a near suicide attempt during my senior year of high school and never sought counseling on it....that was 12 years ago...I think I'm ok people....but I also wonder if my "gung ho git 'r' done" attitude was misplaced in this venture...a case of right/wrong...right for Ewald, wrong for me...follow me?

oh well...these are the thoughts that rolled thru my head last night during overtime...I have more, but I have to head to work now to see what glorious fun awaits me tonight :P

CH

2006...a roaring start

back to work yesterday....only to have a ton of stuff to do, as sales had some sort of "end of the year" sale or something..a couple of monster orders over on the big machine, not too bad by me, but I still stayed 2 hours over to get ahead...tonight we (2nd shift) get to have a meeting with the company president about the future direction of the company..always fun (bleah)