I feel like I'm waiting for something ....I'm not sure what though. I know that today I was very tired, and almost looked forward to going to work, so I wouldn't have to think about what was next, just do my job. Right now, I'm drained, physically and mentally, and I'm not sure why to be honest. I know that I'm weak right now, and the smart thing for me to do would be to go to bed soon. I don't want to though, and I plan to either work on one of my project boxes (computers) or tinker with my Mac. As long as I keep myself out of trouble online, I'll be happy tomorrow.
Back to my thought...I feel as though I'm waiting for the "next big thing" in my life. I've been thinking about long term plans alot lately. I know that I want to marry Holly and spend the rest of my life with her. I know that I want to buy a house, more specifically, rental property. I know that I don't want to work second shift much longer. I know that I want my church to change, but I don't know what that looks like, or how it would be accomplished. I know that not many things satisfy me lately. I know that I need to focus on my relationship with Christ in order to shake some of my uncertainty. I know that I'm anxious about my potential surgery, while the ones who love me are nervous.
I've also been thinking about "growing up" alot lately. What does it mean to be "grown up"? Does it mean bills, a mortgage, marriage and kids? Is it a state of mind, or maturity? Lately I've "felt" more grown up with all the responsibilities I have now. I'm a trustee at church; I help lead the young adult ministry at church; I have a full time job; I have a significant other that I enjoy spending time with; I have a cat; I worry about money...these to me seems like things that "grown ups" have and/or do. There are days when I don't feel like I'm almost 30, and then there are days like today, where my whole body hurts from playing too much dodgeball on Saturday night, and I can't quite shake it off like I used to.
I know that I'm learning patience right now...Holly and I talked about wedding timing this weekend. I brought it up because I wanted to know her timeline and what she is comfortable with. She'd like to finish her schooling first, which means another year and a half...I'd rather not wait that long...but I also don't want to push her too hard either. I'm also patiently waiting for "that next big thing."
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
1 comment:
II Cor. 12:9 - but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
And my personal favorite: Jer. 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD, "plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
I know you don't want to wait that long, and honestly, neither do I, but the time will go faster than you think, and I will always be here.
I love you.
Holly o:)
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